Too Straight A Crooked Line

Ever felt life is just the worst thing you ever had?

Ever felt that nobody ever understand you

Ever felt that you’re the only one who understands your misery?

Ever felt that life is getting worse by the second, and everybody’s laughing at you tumbling over?

Ever felt that what I wrote above hits you in the face? Then read on.

I was doing my rerun on Good Will Hunting. I admit I missed it when it came out, and thanks to Ben, I found out that story to be one of the most moving movies I’ve watched, along the lines of Forrest Gump and The Matrix (hey, you don’t always get that kind of movie where you exit the cinema staring blankly thinking “haah, ek. Betul jugak…“).

That’s when I coined the phrase “Too Straight A Crooked Line”. I googled and Yahooed it up but to no avail, so I guess it’s safe to say I coined it. No, I don’t want to be another Dubya and coin another ridicule.

We all, at some point, believe that our life don’t only throws lemon, but also squeezes the acidic ooze into the gash of our wounded heart while doing acupuncture with a spoon on it (hambek ko!). We all, at some point, believe that other’s life is not only better, but they are taking all the good things supposedly for our life and using in their own.

But if by the time you’re reading this, you still feel like so, then you have not seen past your own life, and your view might be blurred due to massive haemorraging you had from the gashing wounds that you denied treatment from banging your head on the wall.

You see, I had previously been thinking that I have dark pasts. But when I think about it, it seems that life had actually been nice to me, it’s just I’ve been jealous to those with dark pasts. And it usually the ‘unlucky’ part of my life that clings to my thoughts. When I remembered the ‘lucky’ or happy moments, I’ll go “that’s the good ol’ days…”.

My life, as it seems at that moment was a crooked line. Full of ups and downs, and most of the downs come right after the ups, in a 85° downward slope (if 90° then it wont be a slope, it’s a cliff). That was then, as it happens. But in retrospect, it doesn’t seems like that anymore. It’s actually a relatively straight line. everything happens in a nice arrangement, one after another. Never all in a sudden.

Yes, there are moments to remember, and there’s also those I wish I can just delete, empty recycle bin, purge Norton Recycle Bin, and format 3 times. But they are the building blocks of what you are right now. Try to think of 1 unhappy thoughts and I bet you can come up with at least 1 good thing that happened because of it. Call me optimistic, but I rather call myself a realist.

Sometimes we just think that we have the worst life ever, and nobody understands it. Well, the first is not true, but the latter is. You see, if you think your life is the worst, then you should be out there, and try to at least imagine the life of others. Not only the good part you see, but in whole.

When looking back now, and clearing all the hallucinations I weld onto the memories, I realized all the while I was just jealous. I have no story to tell, and then I make up or add something. If you watched The Big Fish, you’d understand why I did like so. The thing is, I add up the bad memories, just to compete with other’s.

It’s not a thing to brag about when something bad happen to you, but when retelling it later, you have a story and suddenly your life seems interesting. If there’s just happy moments, then your life is dull, no matter how exciting it is to you. Audience love drama, dilemma, mishaps, sad feelings, and all that’s momentarily negative, as long as it doesn’t happen to themselves.

But it is also true that nobody understands me better than I do. Not that nobody ever cared. I am ever loved by my family, my Girl, my friends (you do, right?). It’s just we all are unique. We all came from differring demographic background, and none of us, not even twins, are the same. In fact, not even clones are the same, as the similarity ends exactly after the clone have been produced.

So on that basis I thought of the phrase. It seems fitting, I believe I’ve heard it somewhere. And I also belive that it applies to many out there, especially the troubled ones. Many thinks life’s just being too cruel by taking away all or something that they love. But many missed the point that they were given the love in the first place.

I think I’ve been saying the same thing in several different versions, as most motivational books would do, as many speeches would do, and as many multi-level marketers would do. So I think this is enough. Spent quite some time and two blackout sessions already.

Anyway, the length of this post is to tell all, that my life’s too straight a crooked line.