Institutionalized

Most probably you’d be thinking that I have just watched Shawshank Redemption. If you did, you’ve guessed it right. I’ve just finished my I-don’t-how-many-times-already rerun of this great movie. It shows how doing an easy but long time in jail can take out the most important thing in you: Life.

I felt institutionalized before, albeit in a smaller percentage as compared to Brooks. And I do think that everybody, felt like that at least once in their life. I believe everybody would have a time in their life where they’re like a butterfly coming out of their coccoon, out onto the unknown.

There’s numerous institution to get institutionalized from, with family institution being the most prominent. It’s when us come out from under the wings of the institution to brave the unknown that we felt institutionalized. Being admitted to a routine life also means institutionalized, as we’re afraid or unwilling to explore something new on a frequent basis.

Last year, at this time, I was scared. I was petrified. I was bombarded by news of jobless grads, economic instability due to a catastrophe that shook the world and war on terrorism (as if). I was uncertain of my own future. Luckily I had all my time occupied by my 3D animation project. Or I might have more time worrying.

I am supposed to worry, after all. I have been a student and no work experience what so ever (except for a week in Jusco as a Promoter). My capability of doing stuff that I am supposed to be a master of was lacking (proved by the various rejections of job applications soon after), and my PR was not exactly the industrial standard.

I was not the best in my University, but I was better than most. No, I am not bragging, merely proving a point. The thing is, being the ‘best’ or ‘better than’ is relative and comparative. Those to whom I compared to was too small a community as compared to the world I was about to embrace. The Net had shown me all this and I was in need to convince my self that I could do it. Self-convincing is not an easy task, mind you.

Research shows that being positive brings the luck to you. And the same research also mentioned that luck is merely the ability of spottting an oppoturnity and use it. So I tried to be an Optimist whilst I am really a Realist.

Now, I’m stuck at another institution (my Company) and I’m trying my best to not be attached to it. I’m spreading my group of friends and activities, as allowed by my puny salary and tight schedule (not to mention the usual stuff like Religion, Moral, Tradition and so on and so forth) so as to not institutionalized by being routine or repetitive. In doing so, I managed to be as compatible to most as I could, while trying to balance between personal importance and making everybody feeling at home around me.

I don’t want to build my own prison around me.

Oh, by the way, I’m sure many sperms would find life clinging to an ovum tonight, and either will be breathing life 9 months later or forced to meet the Maker somewhere in between. Either way, Happy Valentine, to those who celebrate it.